A Poem About Getting Old

Found a gray hair today.

Plucked it.

Cursed it out for being there.

Named it "Baby Daddy".



Threw gray hair in garbage today.

Tried to forget it was ever there.

Realized that much like real "Baby Daddy", it would just keep coming back.

Forever.




Found a gray hair today.

Cried a little.

For all the "Baby Daddies" gray hairs that will never go away.

Went and bought some hair dye.

Big Daddy Dead Legs I Promise To Mourn Your Passing

Someone once told me that daddy long legs are one of the most poisonous spiders except their weak fangs can't break through human skin so they're virtually harmless to us.

But I have thin skin and am very sensitive to insect bites.

So I killed the daddy long leg that was in my shower last night and tried really hard not to feel bad about it.

And then I read today that it's all a myth and daddy long legs have no venom or fangs and therefore cause us no harm, even if they do break skin.

I still don't feel that bad though.

Alcohol Gives Me Rhythm

Get it here.